Dear Friends,
I wanted to give you an update on what God has been doing in me, both the joys and the struggles He has allowed. Let me share the work that God is doing in my heart and ask for your prayers. I want you to hear this from me because not everyone is fully informed and this is difficult to express in a brief conversation.
5 years ago God started making some major changes in how my life would unfold. I was 22 years old and in the management training program with Starbucks. I had just completed some mission opportunities through my church, where I spent the whole summer leading teens throughout the Northeast US. I was (as many would see it) in the "prime" of my young life, serving God and striving to follow and trust Him for my future. I was unaware at the time of the bigger picture that God was about to unfold before me.
In February 2005, I went to my doctor concerning some occasional blurred vision. Having seen Mom come through some health struggles a year earlier, I asked for an MRI, a scan of my brain to look for signs of problems. My doctor obliged, saying, "Okay, we'll do an MRI, but you don't have MS... You're too young, and it's not hereditary." He went on to set the MRI for that day and said he'd see me again in a couple weeks. The next day he called, very upset, and told me I did have what appeared to be Multiple Sclerosis. Within the week I was at a specialist's office having a spinal tap and a bunch of other tests. These tests confirmed that I have it. Dr.'s believe it probably started in Jr.High or High School. If you don't know, MS refers to a scarring of nerves, causing weakness or loss of use of particular muscles for periods of time. This came as a complete shock to me. I was a young woman, and facing this diagnosis and its implications was, and still is, overwhelming. I was really scared and decided to continue life as "normal." Truth be told I didn't want to admit anything was wrong. My parents had just moved to Phoenix. I chose to remain in Dallas for another year and a half until financial needs led me to move home to live with them. After arriving in Phoenix I became an assistant manager at Starbucks. I found a wonderful church - a church I love, Grace Bible Church in Tempe, AZ, and settled in. My hope was to return to Texas in the future if God allowed. I eventually left Starbucks as I saw the stressful schedule affecting my health, and went to work for Verizon Wireless. They offered great benefits and more regular hours.
On Sept. 11, 2007, the unthinkable happened. I woke up and could not stand up. "Was this happening?" I asked. I had lost my ability to walk. My parents helped me hobble from the bed to the couch, where I spent the next few weeks facing the possibility that I might never walk again. I began looking at wheelchairs. I thought to myself, "I'm only 24 and I'm looking at wheelchairs instead of that snowboard that I wanted". This was, at the least, a very heart wrenching experience. My doctor, however, was very emphatic that I not get a wheelchair or walker. He told me I needed to learn how to walk all over again. So I began a painful process.
One day Mom said, "Let's walk outside to the mailbox," a distance of only 30 feet. This took everything I had. I tightly grabbed her arm and we made it. The next day we did it again, and the next. Eventually I clung to the cars in the driveway instead of Mom's arm. Little by little I added more distance to these walks. At this time I also started physical therapy 3 times a week. The therapists helped me into a swimming pool to walk back and forth for 20 minutes. That was tough, and many tears were shed. Through it all, I tried to focus on knowing that God is faithful, and He would use this for His glory. I have many stories of sharing my faith with the people in the pool. I was definitely the youngest one there, which caused people to be curious, and I was able to share my conviction that this was what God was allowing to make me more the person He wanted me to be. My parents began to drive me to my church's evening service and help me walk in from the car. I learned to accept that I wasn't able to stand for the worship or greeting time. God was, and still is, teaching me humility, and to accept help when I need it. It is only by His grace I was ever able to stand. I learned again and again to lean on Him in my weakness. Over time, with hard work and support from my family I did regain my ability to walk, albeit with a noticeable limp, and only for short distances. I still struggle with weakness and other issues caused by my MS. I haven't been able to work since that day in September two and a half years ago. But God was taking care of my needs long before this ever happened.
Some friends encouraged me to return to Texas and share a house with them for a low amount of rent. So in March of 2009, 19 months after that day in September, I decided to move back to Texas. Because of the connections my doctor in Phoenix had, I was able to get into the MS program at UT Southwestern, one of the premier facilities in the United States. My doctor, Dr. Frohman, is amazing. He is the head of the program, and just being able to get in with him was a huge answer to prayer. Also, Verizon had a great benefit program, and I was able to go on disability pay through them! God has astounded me in how He has shown that HE owns all things, and can provide time and time again. I continue to work at therapy and to improve my mobility.
This is where I am right now, and would greatly appreciate your prayers for continued recovery. God has also blessed me with meeting Joseph, a man with a heart of compassion who sees beyond my MS and my limp (though I can't imagine how hard it is for him). We don't know what our future holds, but desire God's best, and we are trusting God with our tomorrows. One day this past December, Joseph asked me to go with him to a Segway dealer where he had set an appointment for me to take a test drive. He had recently seen a website by a man with MS (http://segwayman.blogspot.com/) and thought that this might be helpful. While this was a new idea for me, many people with MS use these, and I see the great benefit. I spoke with my doctor and he also agreed.
Even though I am walking better I cannot run and have to limit distances to avoid exhaustion. This is challenging because I desire to keep up with everyone. I believe that a Segway would allow me to join friends as they go running, go to parks, fairs, and malls as well as taking "walks" in the neighborhood. I would feel more independence and freedom along with allowing my muscles to get the strengthening that driving one entails. It would help between classes if God should provide for me to return to college. The final cost is around $6200. This is tough as my financial situation is very limited. We're praying about the funds necessary for me to purchase a Segway in God's timing. God has provided me with a ministry counseling other women who suffer physical disabilities. I am becoming a resource for young women who are struggling with all kinds of life issues. God is faithful. I will continue to strive to be a light for Him. This is where I am at right now. It is not without tears that I write this, as it is still a struggle to share. The emotions are close to the surface. Let me be an encouragement that God is faithful. He alone is worth trusting; not yourself, your plans, your money, or your health.
I know God has used this for Himself. I desire to make Psalm 34:1-3 the cry of my heart. "I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad, Oh magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!"
